uge’s kin list

go to @megetsu.dayo on insta for the full list—these are only my most important lives
!! dni if you think you’re me !!

initial core lives

i’ve lived these lives countless times, + i will always be these selves. it is impossible for anyone else to be me. Aki + Rui are the same soul.

Murata Ugetsu (Given)Chihara Shion (Kuro Gyaru ni natta kara Shinyuu to Yattemita/Shitemita)

secondary core lives

The two above selves are my absolute highest; these are only slightly below my initial core lives. I’m always these selves, but if I was not aware of being these selves in other lives, I was myself subconsciously. These lives always reside in my soul. I am these mes in this life currently + I will always be these selves. Doubles still can’t exist + never will.

Blade (Nu: Carnival)Minamiya Ayumu (Kitayama-kun to Minamiya-kun)Ichinose Guren (Owari no Serafu)Till (alnst)Indou Hikaru (both human + non-human)

me in this life + past lives

Nezumi (No. 6)
Minato Ohse (Charisma House)
Sakuma Rei (Ensemble Stars)
Fujieda Ryou (Slow Damage)
Asuka Ryou (Devilman) (NOT CRYBABY)
Matsuura Kanan (Love Live)
Vincent Fennell/Wordsworth (Hello Charlotte)
Shibasaki Ken (HoneyWorks)

i miss you

Hikaru memories

Disclaimer:
If you are a fan of the media, I’d rather not hear your thoughts on anything. My memories are much more complex than any fan theories I’ve found. I’m not who you think I am. I will not meet your expectations, and you won’t meet mine. I’m sorry to have ruined your enjoyment. I wish I wasn’t me either.

I was both Hikaru (光; human) and “Hikaru” (ヒカル; non-human). I’m still both Hikarus in this life. My soul in this life is mostly 光, but the balance of both Hikarus in my soul changes with each life. Now I believe I’m about 63% 光 and 37% ヒカル, but I’m still discovering and understanding my identity, so this could change.I first got memories on August 26th, 2025, but I’d known about the series for two years beforehand—I was just too scared to read it because I had a feeling I was in it.My first memory was dying. Not knowing how Hikaru died was giving me this weird, itchy feeling. I hadn’t read more than the first two pages of the manga before I closed the book and searched for the cause of death online. A two-sentence summary gave me a flashback so intense that I nearly had a panic attack and was afraid to fall asleep later that night. I relived all of it in less than a second.I’m not too bothered by my death, but the guilt of leaving Yoshiki by himself is very difficult to deal with.Whether or not I had romantic feelings for Yoshiki is no one’s business. No one knows annything about us, even if they’ve read/watched everything. Honestly, it’s extremely confusing for me, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be sure of my feelings.My memories can get complicated. When I’m in a shift where I’m fully or more connected to 光 me, I feel very confident. I can feel confident about my memories in some ヒカル shifts, as well. However, I do have shifts where I can’t tell them apart, and my memories get jumbled.

Explanation below uses first-person pronouns for 光 and third-person pronouns for ヒカル so that it’s easier to understand. These memories are ones I initially got before starting the series.

When I died, ヒカル consumed my soul, and my soul resided in him. I wasn’t alive, but I was able to experience some of his thoughts and feelings—this was possible because our souls began fusing; therefore, I became him somewhat, and he became me, too. Because of this, ヒカル was more like me without a filter rather than a completely different being, but he wasn’t completely me, so he did have his own likes/dislikes.to be continued when I have more time…

• go back